“Saying yes has been my biggest problem, but only when it comes to saying yes to myself. Yes to my self-worth. Yes to my needs. Yes to my dreams. Yes to reclaiming my time. Yes to my happiness.
It’s been my biggest problem even when it comes to saying yes to my past and yes to my past failures. Saying yes I did that, and I did it wrong time and time again. Saying yes I have fallen, but yeah I’ve also risen. Saying yes to being someone that I wasn’t just to keep the wrong people around. Saying yes I’ve been hurt, but I’ve hurt people too while I was hurting. Yes, I’ve been a repeat victim, but at least I wasn’t the repeat offender. Saying yes to: my daddy issues, my mother’s mistakes,my broken heart, my losses and my gains and all the other ugly that makes me still being around that more beautiful. I’m just saying yes I’ve been lost, but I’ve always been found.
And so here is what I’ve found---
I’ve found that regardless of the box society tries to place us in, we are who we are and we need to be more of it. I see that I’ll get what I give, even if it’s eventually. And what I don’t give, I’ll miss out on when I need it the most. Lastly, I’ve realized that I indeed can have it all and that it’s not naive or impractical for me to aim for it after all that I’ve been through.
So, this year—the year of 2019— I think I’ll spend some more time getting to know myself. Doing some soul repair and allowing God the space to mend my heart and anything else that life has broken. I’m going to give myself a window to accept more possible failures because there’s no crystal stair to eternal success. I’m going to say yes to openness, yes to a love without conditions, yes to protecting my peace. Yes to myself in 2019!”
